When we live with constant internal or external pressure, we can go into manager/firefighter mode full time. I call this EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) mode because EMTs only keep patients alive and stable; they don’t heal. Likewise, our manager selves cannot produce internal healing. EMT mode can take many forms, managing self, managing others, trying to form a disciplined, orderly life, and more.
Constant Manager/Firefighter Control
Manager parts manage, and firefighter parts “extinguish” problems, but they do not contain the resources needed to heal a wounded exile. Yet, their efforts often focus on trying to become free of the problems of exiles. Lack of success causes us to believe we have to double down on our efforts and work harder and can lead to emotional exhaustion, hopelessness, and depression.
The efforts of the manager and firefighter can become so constant that they temporarily push exiles and our true self into inactivity. When this happens, a manager will become a false self.
Religious Managers
Many Christians fall into religious management, believing that a properly managed Christian life will produce the inner transformation we need. Worship, prayer, and quiet times (all good things) can become a form of emotional regulation. In and of themselves, these are not bad things. But when they are taught as the path to inner transformation for deeply wounded people, and that does not happen through these things, people can become disillusioned. We must understand the difference between that which manages and that which heals.
Manager parts can take on the responsibility of how we walk out our Christian life. They can have a good understanding of God and of our religious beliefs. But when we examine the parts of ourselves that are focused on self-management, they are usually immersed in compliance to a belief system rather than in the person of God. They know God is there and may have many expectations of him. When healing does not happen, they feel that they are doing their part, but God is not doing his. This is a task-oriented Christianity.
Everything the religious manager is doing is dominated by the logic of the left hemisphere of the brain. The problem is the left hemisphere does not connect to life. (See the book The Master and His Emissary, by Ian McGilchrist.) The left hemisphere processes an abstraction of life, like a map of the forest rather than being in the forest itself. Religious self-management is managing ideas and abstractions about God rather than being immersed in the presence of God.
Paul writes extensively about this idea in Galatians using the terms law versus Spirit. The law caters to self-effort and religious life management. Paul calls this being “imprisoned” in Galatians 4:23. He says the law and the religious self-management it produces are effectively a curse that Christ came to free us from (Galatians 4:10). A curse, whether you view it literally or figuratively, is something that entraps a person. Self-management is a curse because you become entrapped in your own mind and our own self-effort, and that does not produce the life of God within you. Once Paul met Jesus and had the life of God authentically within him, he left all the law and all of its self-management behind as if he were dead to it (Galatians 2:29). He wants us to do the same.
It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1.
Solving the religious management problem requires us to re-conceptualize God around his nature and his view of us rather than around our own behavior, so that we experience the reality of being infinitely known, infinitely accepted, and infinitely loved, regardless of our performance.
Narcissism is EMT Mode
Narcissism is EMT mode taken to an extreme. People on the narcissistic spectrum carry exiles who are so deeply wounded that fully facing their damage has effectively become impossible. They involuntarily suppress and avoid their deepest wounds, leaving them inaccessible even to themselves.
When a person cannot process self, they possess no means to accept responsibility for themselves. Therefore, internal problems, pain, and frustrations are projected onto other people. They see others as the source of their problems. They turn to managing others in place of dealing with themselves. Their firefighters attack anyone who attempts to get past their internal defenses and point out their flaws.
This can leave people in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” relationship. If you give them what they want, it is never enough. If you do not placate them and allow them to manage you, then you become the problem.
If you are living with a narcissist, you may find yourself in EMT mode full time due to the pressure of being constantly scrutinized, controlled, and/or attacked. Some people I know only find their true self when they are away from an environment in which they feel constant pressure.
Intellectual Self-Management
Highly intellectual people sometimes have difficulty hearing God in ministry. Some have difficulty connecting to God’s presence. I believe this is due to left-hemisphere domination in their minds. They become so dependent upon their ability to rationalize explanations and solutions that their logical, rational managers cannot cede control to their true self or allow access to their exiles for healing. Since the right hemisphere connects to God’s presence, his presence can be pushed out of their consciousness as a result.
Getting out of EMT Mode
To get out of EMT mode, we must change the way we are trying to solve our problems. Rather than working harder, we must find a way to get our right brain back in charge and activate our true self. We may have to ask our managers and/or firefighters to stand down and allow our exiles or the true self to be present along with them. We may have to ask them why they feel they must block access to emotions or to the exiles who need healing.
One of the biggest issues with internal managers and firefighters is they feel all alone in their management of life. To solve this, ministry will, at times, focus directly on the manager or firefighter who is dominant. This usually involves helping to recognize the difference between knowing about God and experiencing him for themselves. Once they can receive directly from him, they calm down. This calms the mind enough to make it possible to start activating exiles and the true self in the healing process.
Even when healed, we will always have managers and firefighters. They are a much needed and necessary part of God’s design. Our goal is for them to be motivated and informed by our true identity and the presence of God.